Living in the Now: How It Can Strengthen Your Relationship

“Wherever you are, be there. If you can be fully present now, you’ll know what it means to live.”

-Steve Goodier

My boyfriend came to visit me in New York last weekend and we were able to celebrate Easter for the first time as a couple – it was super exciting! It was also different because it was the first time we met in person since I started practicing the act of living in the now.

It had significantly strengthened our relationship while we were apart and from the way things went this time around, I can confidently say that it applies to the overall health of our relationship.

Here are some possible outcomes and benefits that come with living in the present and how it’ll make your relationship stronger and better!

1. It’ll help you to love better and well.

When I started to live in the now and appreciate my boyfriend for who he is now, I was able to love him better and even well because I was more focused on his strengths than his flaws. I was able to see him in a positive light even during times of conflict.

Part of loving someone is accepting them for who they are today, not for who they will be tomorrow. When you don’t appreciate them in that way, you may become envious and fixate on what the relationship is lacking, instead of on what there is.

The more you work on living in the present, the better you’ll be able to love your S.O. and that is such a beautiful thing!

2. You’ll be able to enjoy the relationship.

I’ve been able to enjoy the relationship but there have been many times when I stressed over the future of it instead of having fun with my boyfriend. It negatively affected our relationship but I have since learned to enjoy it and it’s made it stronger!

It’s really hard to have fun with your S.O. when you’re so busy worrying and analyzing everything they say or do, that may not have any sort of hidden meaning to it. I’ll go into this more in another post but letting go of control and not being anxious about a possibly non-existent problem is very liberating.

Try to maintain a balance of working on the essentials of a relationship and having fun, because both are important and should be worked on in moderation.

3. You’ll make choices that will help for the long term.

The choices you make today will affect the outcome of your future. That goes for relationships too! How I choose to react or what I choose to say or do will either exhume love or hate. I can choose to love instead of choosing to be bitter in times of conflict.

When you do your best to live in the present, you will be able to make smarter decisions when it comes to what you say and do towards your S.O. There will be many opportunities to make decisions like that and even one fight can damage it greatly.

Having grown up as a worrywart, I’ve come to realize that taking preventative measures or making decisions based on my worries, can ultimately lead me to make unwise choices in the present day that will ultimately affect the future.

4. It’ll decrease fights and increase conflict resolution.

You and your S.O. will always have disagreements but those aren’t fights. Conflict avoidance isn’t healthy but conflict resolution is and that’s what matters. Living in the present will keep things in perspective and for the better!

Living in the now will help with conflict resolution because you won’t resort to bringing up past mistakes and hurts that should’ve been resolved when it happened. It’ll help you and your S.O. keep the focus on the problem at hand instead of veering off into criticism territory.

Learning to focus on the here and now have helped me to minimize my concerns to what is present in our relationship instead of fixating on what my boyfriend used to do and all the mistakes he’s made.

5. You’ll stop comparing yourself and your S.O.

Don’t compare yourself and your S.O. to other couples, and certainly not each other to the past and present. You can reminisce about the early days of the relationship, but dwelling in what there used to be can foster bitterness and envy.

Our relationship is different now, because we’ve been together for longer, which means we’ve changed and grown. It’s still exciting and fruitful but in a deeper way. We’re still lovey-dovey with each other but it’s a different level of love and it’s more beautiful now than it was in the beginning!

I used to be lost in thoughts of what we used to do and what we used to have in our relationship. But really, it’s just more meaningful now. Once I accepted that it wouldn’t be the same as before, I was able to also accept that it’ll be much better with each passing day!

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