Honesty is always the best policy.
People may argue that sometimes we shouldn’t be honest because we’ll risk hurting the other person’s feelings.
But this phrase isn’t saying you have to be honest, and though it’s ultimately your choice, the best choice will be to tell it like it is.
Though there are some gray areas in whether or not you should be completely transparent, it is important in building trust and having a healthy relationship.
If you’re one of many people in this world who have a hard time being completely transparent with your S.O., here are some steps you can take to help you with that.
#1. Start with the small things.
Even though everyone tells white lies every now and then, if done frequently, it can lead to serial lying, not only about small stuff but the more important ones too.
Having said that, be honest with the small stuff, such as where you are, what you’re currently doing and answers to simple questions such as, “What did you do today?”
Being honest with the small things will help you to be completely transparent with your S.O. in the long run.
#2. Find the underlying cause.
Not being able to be honest with your S.O. can stem from a variety of factors, such as past experiences, the environment or your lack of trust in them.
I discovered that the reason I had a difficult time sharing my feelings and being open with my boyfriend was because I had been hurt in the past by doing that in friendships.
Once you find the root of why or what’s holding you back from being transparent with your S.O., it’s easier to come up with practical steps to work on it.
#3. Evaluate your relationship and its condition.
Many times, it’s not a struggle because of personal traumas, betrayals or experiences. It could be uncertainties or doubts about the relationship itself.
Usually a lack of transparency in a relationship is due to a lack of trust between you and your S.O. The cause of that varies and something that you need to discuss with them in order to identify.
Evaluating the relationship may not be foolproof, but it will help in pointing both of you in the direction that is the best and the wisest.
#4. Be careful to not share your secrets too fast.
When we’re with a person who we trust and feel like we can confide in without being judged, we may have the desire to share our past and the deepest part of our lives right away.
Sharing too much too fast can possibly hurt you emotionally if your S.O. doesn’t take it well and it’ll keep you from ever doing that again, in order to avoid the rejection.
Wait until the relationship has past the honeymoon stage and until you and your S.O. have had conflict and have successfully resolved it, before either of you share anything deeper.
#5. Thinking too much about how your S.O. will react is unhealthy.
Yes, you should always keep your S.O.’s feelings in mind before you do or say something, because that’s part of loving someone.
But for certain circumstances, when you’re trying to decide whether or not to tell the truth or to hide it, don’t dwell too much on how they will take it, and just tell them when you’re ready.
For example, if you have a medical condition, don’t hide it to spare their feelings because in this situation, no matter how you tell them, they will be hurt.
Your S.O. may feel a lot worse when they find out that you’ve hid such crucial information from them. In many cases of infidelity, people are usually more hurt by the lying than the act itself.